you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
