I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.