just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...