WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities