Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
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Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
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lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.