we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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