Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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