try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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