Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
sex in a hospital.. check
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
