Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's always time for handjobs
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.