This girl is more easily done than said...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.