Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together