I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground