A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you