well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.