finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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