Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
