living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
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I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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