like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
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he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
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WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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