Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
