Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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