Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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