I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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