I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
