He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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