I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
