oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
