life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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