she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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