O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
