I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
