Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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