Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
