Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i think my mom watched the whole time
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize