Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
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I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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