you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
