...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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