omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize