i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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