ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
This toilet bowl is my home.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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