there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
