I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
