she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
