I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
