Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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