i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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