ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
