No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
