Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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