she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
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When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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