do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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