It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
