her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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