Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
