I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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