he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
