He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
