bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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